New House Cleaning Tip
Lose your keys. Search for them for an hour. Get frustrated with the lack of progress of finding keys, knowing you are missing your child's open house for school. Start throwing everything away in a mad fit of cleaning frenzy like the desperate women that you are because you think the stray envelopes on your counter and the messy books on your shelves might be harboring your keys. Call DH and swear at him for stealing your keys. Refuse to believe that your keys are not, in fact, in his work bag. Swear under your breath as you hang up on a completely unhelpful and largely uninterested husband. Clean some more, because hey, the keys might be under the dust on the computer table. Pick up every toy in the playroom because you think your child might have stashed the &&*!!&@# keys somewhere. Pick up every cushion on every piece of furniture you own in the house, and, not finding the keys, throw away all of the good stuff you did find. Then wash your hands. Give up when you realize there are only 15 more minutes left in the 2 hour Open House, and you totally missed it and your child's teacher is going to think you are a total flake when you tell her, "Um, sorry I missed the event. I, uh, couldn't find the keys to my car," and she will never allow you to help in the classroom because what kind of idiot woman searches for her keys for OVER AN HOUR and still can't find them? But hey, at least she can say, "Wow, clean house."